1 Sexy Bitch

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 17:11:19 GMT

Ohhh realized i havent posted. Life has just been so fcking crazy with everything going on. Having issues with life is a time suck. Sometimes coming on here makes me feel like im a whiner, but i guess we are all whining so who cares right?

I dont have a scale right now and I am hating life minus my scale!!!! I left it behind in my rush to get the fck out. WEll he told me to leave so i left and now he wants me to come back F-U. After he had the nerve to text me of all things, that he quits our marriage. Fck that. Im so angry stilL!!!!!

anywho, fck him.
Food so far
Coffee
Lots of grapes

Back on track today

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 16:21:41 GMT

im back on track today.
didnt eat tons yesterday but went to a fam party and ate
junk and purged. Got it all out of my system because I
needed to start fresh today.
day 2 of not eating at night. im so damn proud of myself.
Food today so far.
1 banana
1 yogurt
1 glass hot water w/lemon
about to go workout!

Hating my life as usual

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 17:14:30 GMT

wow i havent been on here in so damn long.
Its time to come back.
Im the fattest ever.
My marriage has fallen apart, come apart at the seams.
part of me is SO HAPPY, another sad.
Time to get skinny, Ive been at my parents since Thursday.
Need to go back to old melissa and get skinny.
I left my scale at his house, dammit!!!
Food so far:
1 banana
1 coffee w/some french vanilla from 7-11

Need some thinspo. I want bones.
I want to be able to suck in my stomach and see ribs.
I want to get on the scale and see pounds lost.
I want skinny thighs.
I want skinny arms.

Sun, 26 Jul 2009 23:04:13 GMT

I feel like i hardly ever post anymore. I want to start posting again and be on this so it will keep me accountable.

Intake today
baby carrots w/4 tblspoons hummus (100 cals)
2 green juices (kale, spinach, 1 apple, 2 lemons, 10 baby carrots, 1 orange)
1 laxative tea
handful baby carrots
so far so good...

Someee good ol fashion thinspo'

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 17:04:38 GMT

Hi everyone,

Been pretty hectic the past couple of days. I finally figured out what is making me feel so damn depressed and very blah, its the paxil i just switched to a few months ago. So im going to try to get myself off it I think it will be for the best. Weight is not good right now. Not feel up to doing much. But i really want to get back on track and lose this weight so Im going to jump start the process and break my bad habits with a 3 day juice fast. I will start tomorrow and let everyone know how its going. Wish me luck!

Tue, 19 May 2009 16:10:08 GMT

Lately all I feel like doing is nothing. What the hell is wrong with me. Im so sick of being fat and the therapist says all my weight is muscle. Fck her, I fcking hate her and her stupid fcking comments. I sit there on the couch and I squirm and play with my hair and while she reads my food journal I jump on the scale just to check how fcking fat I am. Sorry for the cussing I am just venting today. I have to go see therapist today and its bugging the crap out of me. I feel like I am being stupid for listening to her and her stupid advice. Last night I ate veggie soup, my mom made, it was healthy and good. But I went overboard and ate a shit load with beans. I was so full I couldn’t breathe, I let an hour go by and I ate more. Then I walked to my room, my inner mind was freaking out, like what the hell you stupid bitch, you ate all that food. You are so dumb, so stupid and dumb. So I went to the bathroom and I purged. Yeah I felt guilty, I could hear my mom saying is she throwing up again, yeah I am and so what. Then she tells my sister, oh she ate all the soup, basically saying I ate all the f-ing soup, which makes me feel even more fat and more happy that I am purging all the disgustingness out of my body.

I know I shouldn’t be doing it, but I just had to. Just this one last time. I was looking at thinspo after I ate dinner, I think that triggered it. Oh well. I have adderall I take half a pill everyday to concentrate at work, because my mind wanders so much and I think about food and my fat body all day. Has it helped me lose weight, nope not a fcking pound. Something must be wrong with me I must be like a mutant who cant stop eating. I was trying to think the other day of foods I crave or foods I could have if calories didn’t matter, I couldn’t even think of much. Icecream eh, hamburgers don’t eat em, pizza ehhh, im abnormal. I just had a cup of cottage cheese this morning, I feel so guilty like you might as well send me to the guillotine because I have sinned and ate cottage cheese. What the hell is my prob, sorry for the venting and ranting. I wonder If anyone gets what I am saying or am I just nuts.
Melissa Sanchez

Tue, 19 May 2009 03:50:09 GMT

Things are going and just going. No fat is leaving my ugly body so i need some thinspo, maybe this will help someone.

Fri, 08 May 2009 17:59:11 GMT

Wow I havent been on here in forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG. My life has been a topsy turvy shit hole the past few months. Dealing with deciding if im getting a divorce or not, wanting to get a divorce and now back with my husband, but were not living together anymore. Lost like 5 pounds, gained it all back. Started binging and purging again, not excessive like I used to when I was bad, but still at least twice a week. I think that’s why I gained the weight back. I decided to start going to recovery becasuse my night eating was getting out of control so I thought going to talk to someone about this might help. Well I have never EVER been to a therapist for my eating disordered past, wow, it has sucked and I hate it. She told me I don’t eat enough and that’s why I binge at night, I have a distored image of myself (duh), I need to jounral my feelings and food (I already write every damn morsel now I have to write my "feelings" lame), I have to write down the negative voices that I hear (umm yeah that’s a long list), I have to eat dinner every night and real meals instead of constantly picking all day, I exercise too much and need to cut down (umm yeah sure). Well ive been trying and its REALLY REALLY hard. I told myself I probabaly shouldn’t come on here, but oh well. I need it. I feel so fat right now, that’s it im starting my diet today. Fck her and fck this. Back to not eating, I need to get skinny. Im at 135 pounds, fckng disgusting!!! SOMEONE help!!!

Wed, 14 Jan 2009 23:05:36 GMT

hello beautiful ladies out there in the land of emotions similar to mine. So ive been taking adderall just a half for the past 3 days. Wow its really helping me wiht doing my work more than anything! Im going to go to my doc and see what he thinks about prescrib. it to me. My car is out of commision so Ive been working from home for the past 3 days, im going crazy being at home all day and not being able to do anything or go anywhere. Luckily, my mom has been driving me to the gym the past few days. So at least ive been still going to the gym. and I dropped the weight dont know if it was water or what. Last Saturday I was up too 133.5, today im at 129.5. Still have yet to go under that number in a long time.

Food Today so far:
10 - banana
11- banana
1145 - pear
1 - apple
250 - apple

Wed, 14 Jan 2009 04:52:39 GMT

I need some thinspo!

Wed, 14 Jan 2009 00:26:07 GMT

hey everyone, ive been busy working and dealing with shit. Im on day 3 of raw food diet detox its actually going pretty good and you can eat so much. Its supposed to make you regular so you lose weight.

So far had:
2 bags of grapes like tons of grapes thats all i snacked and ate all day
1/4 lara bar
1 cup cooked broccoli
some sunflower seeds

Fri, 09 Jan 2009 22:04:05 GMT

Bored today and not in the mood to do much. I was doing so good but then I drank some drinks last night. I went to go see my husband and talk about stuff. So we went to eat and had some drinks. I ended up having chips with sour cream at night. UGH I hate drunk munchies. That’s my new goal no more drunk munchies. Those just kill my diet. Although I did workout twice yesterday, I did 40 min elliptical at lunch and 50 min on the elliptical at night along with 400 crunches. I wasn’t expecting to see him and go out to eat and drink, but oh well there is nothing I can do now. I woke up in the morning drank a diet pepsi and made myself try to purge some of the chips, suprisingly a lot of it came out. Like it just doesn’t digest well, since ive been eating so many healthy foods.

Today, had an apple and been snacking on sunflower seeds all day. I had a little bit of a salad and some baby carrots with hummus for lunch. I also did 40 min on the elliptical at lucnh and I plan to do my yoga after work.
I so want to get skinny. I was losing weight and now I feel like im getting fat again!!! So freaking depressing.

Sun, 28 Dec 2008 01:07:53 GMT

New goal - 120 pounds !! I can do this
want to see ribss

hope this doesnt offend anyone but i love her body. need to look good naked

Sat, 27 Dec 2008 22:44:56 GMT

I havent posted in so long, I feel like ive been so detached. Its hard sometimes to jjust come on here and report how crappy i am feeling. but im sure it might help.
good thing ive lost about 6 pounds since the breakup.
im at 129 today. woo hoo i havent seen the 20's in years !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
woo hoooooooooooo im so happy. and extremely bored at home today. but im all alone so im going to look for some new thinspo.

Sun, 07 Dec 2008 01:14:43 GMT

hello loves i havent posted as much as i used to. to my dismay i come on here and feel i have nothing happy or great to report. still not back with husband, still living at parents. still fat. dammit! i feel so blah and gross but at least im not eating as much as i used to and still working out like a fiend. I have my phen pills again and they help so much with appetite. you have to get them from doc but they are the bomb.

food today - coffee
apple
45 elliptical, back and biceps - weights
4 bites soy patty
some sunflower seeds
sf redbull
-- thats it and i might go out tonight, if so maybe just have some vino.
looked for thinspo today.
found some good stuff
heres a few good ones i found, maybe they will help someone who is having a rough day. food is for fat people. geeez remember that. haha i need to remember to tell myself that too!!

Fri, 28 Nov 2008 18:24:24 GMT

hi everyone, been going through some tough times as I mentioned in my last post. I think i need to start posting more it might help in my whole process of trying to feel better. I have lost 3 whole pounds since i been alone! woo hoo and ive been working out so much its great. Yesterday I ate nothing all day until thanksgiving dinner. I had like 4 glasses of wine and i was so buzzed! So i ate some stuffing and corn and that was it. Later i had some pumpkin pie and lots of whip cream. I absolutelyl love whip cream. It was so much food for me and with the alcohol I got so sick. I ended up purging everything. Then I got home and i was hungry, so I ate a bowl of chips with sour cream, then I purged it. I just had to. I dont want to fall back into that horrible habit. I cant let that happen.

Right now drinking a coffee with some whip cream on top. YUM. Im allowing myself since Im going to spin class today.
My workouts I did this past week:
Mon - 40 min elliptical
Tues- 40 min elliptical - lunch, spin class - pm
Wed- 45 min elliptical - lunch, 40 min cybex and weights - pm
Thurs - off
Fri - spin class - lunch, might do yoga tonight?
Sat and Sun, not sure yet?

I need some major thinspo to get through today. I kind of went nuts last night, since im at my parents house, i was still buzzed up when we came home and i kept on saying how fat and ugly i am. My dad just confronted me right now and said to stop staying stupid shit like that and what the hell is my problem.

Sat, 15 Nov 2008 23:26:57 GMT

hi everyone sorry i havent posted my life has been a complete mess. this totally sucks, i asked my husband for a seperation and I am living with my parents right now this totally sucks but i had to do it. He hasnt been treating me the way i deserve to be treated. I dont want to go into all the details but i need some time alone. My eating is sporadic but i feel like iim losing weight. I left my scale when i went to get my stuff from home! Ugh im so mad i need my scale. Im starting to hate food again and Ive been having mini purges that I tell myself dont count. Last time i sunk deep into ana and mia was when i lived at home and i was dealing with a break up, when i have anxiety in my life this comes back to haunt me. The familiar home and toilet are scary, they make me want to go back to my old ways. Suprisingly i eat way less here because my parents have hardly any healthy food, yesterday i ate some pasta with cheese i was starving needed something, ate a bunch and purged, then today i had some rice and 2 string cheeses and i purged them. I guess i tell myself since I didnt have a full blown binge and then purge that it doesnt count. But i know it does and i need to stop this shit.

well im going out tonight, been hanging with friends, partying having fun, drinking, trying to get my mind off this bullshit. ugh people wish me luck. :(

Sun, 09 Nov 2008 17:17:54 GMT

going to yoga right now heres a fat person pic of me in vegas!

Sun, 09 Nov 2008 17:07:50 GMT

i am back from all my traveling and from vegas. feeling fat and ugly today. im going to fast today, i havent fasted in ages. ugh wish me luck women.

Mon, 27 Oct 2008 16:01:41 GMT

hi everyone, i have a busy week ahead of me. im goimng out of town for business. i have to be careful with all the dinnerw out we are going to have but the hotel has a gym so i am going to try to go as much as i can. been working out a lot this week and eating okay. i had some beer yesterday like one and 2 glasses of wine. ugh.
my workouts this week
mon - 55 min elliptical
tues - 40 min elliptical, hot yoga
wed - 40 min ellipitcal, weights
thurs - spin class
fri - 50 min elliptical, weights
sat - 30 min elliptical, hot yoga
sun - 20 min elliptical, weights, spin class

Today - 40 min elliptical (havent gone yet, need to go!)
i am exercising a lot but im going to vegas on friday!!!!! for halloween :)

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 22:23:32 GMT

hi everyone, doing okay. just been eating cottage cheese today. ugh. im so fat. i hate this.

Wed, 22 Oct 2008 03:11:54 GMT

Just got home from yoga. Class was great! I seriously dread coming home because when i get home my willpower starts to go away. But its getting better. Just drank shit load of water and ate some green beans wtih a little bit of cheese mixed in. Im feeling F'ING guilty right now. Freaking stupid green beans, I feel so full and fat. Ewwww today was feeling more hungry then other days egh. Tomorrow I have to go to a dinner with a friend, im just goinmg to have some wine and maybe order grilled tuna. I hardly ever eat tuna, so if I order that I know I wont finish it. Anywho lets see i need some freaking thinspiration cuz im a gigantic fat ass.

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 22:31:24 GMT

Hi everyone,
So last night, went well, I ended up just eating a yogurt with fiber one. Lately that’s been my saving grace. Helps keep me regular and fills you up without feeling like you ate tons. The rest of the night I chugged water and had a cup of tea. Definitely for me the hardest time of the day is the evening, around 9-11pm. Laying in bed, trying to feel my hips, trying to feel my self worth of the day, trying to fight the hunger police that is always knocking at my door at that time. Bastards, really were not doing anything at night, I don’t see why our body feels the need to eat. Im doing yoga tonight, already did 40 min ellipitical at lunch at my work gym. I havent lost a pound, can you guys believe it. I feel like im losing, but nothing the scale still reads 135. IT just doesn’t move.

Food today so far
9- Egg white salad-100, low carb yogurt-80, fiber one-60
Coffee
Coffee
Tea
130 - greek salad - 70, 1 cup cottage cheese - 160, 2 ak mak crackers - 45
( some guy came to my desk and gave me jelly bellys I had about 10, so about 40 cals) YUCK DISGUSTING
4- plan - maybe an apple
Hot Yoga after work
Night - plan - either protein shake or low carb yogurt with fiber one

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 03:22:00 GMT

I have a random question. I used to totally be ana, years ago, so I dont remember how I dealt wtih this before. well actually i used to eat a lot of gum and cough drops. but yesterday and today after hours of not eating, at night it hits me, Im like feeling almost nauseaus, sick to my stomach, so i ate a little both times to get rid of that feeling. Almost headachy, nauseau? anyone else get like this and if so any tips on how to make the feeling go away. I drank tons of water to make it go away, almost made it worse. I totally have the will to not eat right now, but that sickness feeling is driving me nuts. any ideas, thoughts?

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 03:07:58 GMT

Thank you ladies for your support. I was having a rough time yesterday. But I have to realize that everyday is a new day and a start to make things better. I cant dwell on my short comings or feel ashamed or emberassed that I had some slip ups this weekend. This week will be better! Im taking paxil right now and I feel ok, but my consuming obsessin wtih perfection gets to me sometimes. i am trying to get better. I have to, I want to be skinny but i want to feel good too. One day at a time thats all I can do. I came home from gym and I didnt do 2 workouts today, I was feeling all guilty that I didnt. Geez, im so hard on myself.

exercise today
50 min elliptical, biceps and shoulders, just a few exercises

Food
2 yogurts, fiber one cereal, 1/2 apple
3 egg white salads (they are little and 100 cals each from trader joes, I split up throughout day)
1/2 cup black beans, some hot sauce, little bit of cheese
- maybe protein shake at night or a yogurt ? if needed

some thinspo!!